Sunday, September 19, 2004

Observance?

Ever heard of "Talk like a pirate day"? How about "Wool Day" and "World Priest Day"? Well, if you didn't know, that was today (Sept 19th). Didn't know that? Well, someone was apparently bored and made up a bunch of stuff in order to... I dunno.

So, in support of Daily and Weekly Observace Days (after all, this blog is about Observation and commenting on such...) I thought I'd give you a blurb of highlights of some of the stand-outs! (queue laugh track! roll sound, aaannnnndd action!)

September


Monthly


- Go Wild During California Wild Rice Month
- Hug a Texas Chef Month
- International Gay Square Dancing Month (who woulda guessed)
- National Pediculosis Prevention Month (a.k.a. Head Lice Prevention Month)
- Pleasure you mate Month
- Update your resume Month
- Sea Cadet Month

Weekly

- Self-University Week (9/1 - 9/7)
- National Waffle Week (9/5-9/11)
- Bald is beautiful Days (9/10 - 9/12)
- Love a Mensch Week (9/13 - 9/19) (Mensh - A person having admirable characteristics Yiddish
- National Love your files Week (9/20 - 9/24)
- National Older Workers Employment Week (9/21 - 9/27)

Daily

- Be late for something day (9/5)
- Wonderful Weirdo's Day (9/9)
- Ugly Women Day (9/11) (I didn't make this up! .ed)
- Doodle Soup Days (9/13 & 9/14)
- Someday (9/15)
- Talk like a Pirate day (9/19)
- Hobbit Day (9/22) (Break out your pipe weed)


And now my favorite for September:


Fish Tank Floorshow Night (9/28)

Early Halloween

At only $19.95, this is a bloody bargain. And you don't need to purloin vegetables and put them in awkward places. What ever happened to the cucumber from Spinal Tap?





As well, you really don't need to use these for Halloween? Is this look in for the holidays? Of course, Halloween would be scary unless you get frank-n-fruter outfits.

Wednesday, September 15, 2004

It's the NY water supply

Yesterday - Oprah giving away millions in cars to her audience; effectively paying them off and making the tickets for the Oprah show for the next 6 months the most sought after items in NY. (Everyone wants to get a new car... Haven't you ever watched "The Price is Right??)

Dan Rather now seems to be sticking by his proport that he has authentic documents showing G.W. shirked his duties in the Air National Guard. Amazingly, even when shown authentic documents from the Air National Guard, Rather insists his is the real ones. Even though on the CNN tape, Rather uses the language, "I know that this story is true. I believe that the witnesses and the documents are authentic. We wouldn't have gone to air if they would not have been. There isn't going to be -- there's no -- what you're saying apology?"

Uhh... never would have gone to air? Hmmm...
[1] [2]

Tuesday, September 14, 2004

Sept Toons











To be fair though, can I get a list of "what's different" about these supposed "assault rifles" than other semi-automatic rifles? They don't fire faster, more or bigger bullets - so what's the deal? I still can't go out and buy an AK-47. I still can't buy a gun with a 50 round magazine. I still can't buy an M-16, UZI or any other gun that "sprays bullets" any better or more than any other gun DURING the assault weapon ban. So why is everyone having a cow over this?

Hell in a handbasket

Never really knew what that meant until juuust now. Apparently the Lt. Govenor of Illinois had a slow week and needed something to do.. Isn't there some health care issue or death row inmate request to handle? Instead, the people of Illinois need to fund these "necessary" government issues - and by golly it's just not right that other states have them!

Oprah has lost her marbles and will soon be starting her own cult where she'll brainwash her audience of the following:
- "O" is a good magazine[1] [2] [3]

- Beef is bad bad bad!
- Oprah car giveaway (she's obviously been drinking Jacko's Jesus juice)

She obviously has now resorted to buying her audience off with cars in order to keep her ratings. A stunt like this is akin to radio DJ's telling their audience to have sex in churches. Pathetic.

Indeed there's a very nice charity called "Trufflepig's quest for a Porche" which also could use a contribution Oprah!! Please, contribute today. Really.
Queer Eye is over! WOOHOO!

Monday, September 13, 2004

For the philosophers

I'd like to leave something to the philosophers to ponder:


- Why do sober people drive in the in-between two lanes on a four lane highway... for miles, and miles, and miles?
- How did a newspaper informant get the name "deep throat" and how did that term become sexual?
- How many licks does it REALLY take to get to the middle of a tootsie pop?
- If you travel at the speed of light and turn on a flashlight, will it still look like it's off?
- What "other" reason could there be to explain why the Red Sox haven't won a world series?
- Is there a secret society of stupid people who work for corporate America who only promote each other throughout their careers? (I'm talking card carrying stupid people).
- Is it justice that the hot cheerleader from high school got fat and has boils at the 10 year reunion or is it just sad?

There just isn't enough wierd things in the world, now we have to contend with this.

Friday, September 10, 2004

Brainwashed and Bamboozled

Found a new brainwashed internet radio station on Live365 sponsored by (among others) the ACLU and the NAACP. Such prominent articles are from Gore Vidal and vomits a diatribe of "Radical Right Wing Conspracy Theories" faster than a David Koresh phone call. From Democracy Now's website:

Democracy Now! is a national, daily, independent, award-winning news program airing on over 225 stations in North America.Pioneering the largest public media collaboration in the U.S., Democracy Now! is broadcast on Pacifica, community, and National Public Radio stations, public access cable television stations, satellite television (on Free Speech TV, channel 9415 of the DISH Network), shortwave radio and the internet.

By independent, it must mean they are privately funded (a.k.a. George Soros) because this is Far Left rhetoric at it's best. Welcome to communisim radio, and they are in every state. The hell with the moonies or other dangerous cults - this is one to watch!

If your a burgeoning Socialist/Communist, please take a look here if you're in an area to be hoplessly brainwashed:

GET BRAINWASHED!

Crazy Season Bumper Stickers

Some very funny stuff. Had to share.








My favorite


1,2,3 Punch

Florida's getting whollup'd this year with the hurricanes. First Charley, then Frances, and now Ivan. Hope my favorite coffee purveyor Baby's Coffee is still around when Ivan's done doing his thing! What's up with Tropical Depression 10 - don't we have enough problems?

Run Forest Run!


(out of Florida and to somewhere safe, like Tornado alley or Southern California for crying out loud!)

Wednesday, September 08, 2004

Gender Benders

Ok - I've about had it with men morphing into metrosexuals. Guess I'm just one of those clueless country bumpkins who never heard "metrosexual" used in a sentence before. These "men" were usually called "primpers" - and who's maleness was ALWAYS in question.

What's got me a little perturbed is the shows on TV doing male makeovers, a la Queer Eye for the Straight Guy (U.S. AND U.K. editions now) as well as Male Primping Products as well as websites for "male fashion emergency"!!.




Holy Cow!



Where I come from we call that pitching for the other side. Metrosexual is a Homosexual training phase as far as I'm concerned. (By the way, Monty Python knew this was coming a long time ago: Brian meets the P.F.J. at the Colosseum.) And what the heck is wrong with some dirty toe nails, some callouses, and washing your face and hands with soap. All of a sudden I need facial products and hair products as well as a manicure/pedicure? Shall I start talking with a lisp and going to antique shows as well? What's wrong with straight guys acting like straight guys? Do I have to be constantly assaulted by homosexuals when being entertained? Queer as folk on Showtime can be avoided by not paying for Showtime cable service. Will & Grace while well written, again is all about the gay men.

Does the man have to ask this question - where's the lesbian sit-coms? Where's the hot lesbian's making over straight women to be more attractive to men?

Mark my words, this is payback for those hundreds of years when men kept women in the kitchen barefoot and pregnant. Women get in powerful positions in TV-land, then play house on videotape with poor dumbasses who invite them in for their 15 minutes of fame. Many times the women in these poor saps life go along with the gag. Haha. Look at the fagella make pithey comments about this jerks wardrobe! It's all just so funny. While the guy is just being a guy. If women want to be with other women who have a penis, they have a name for that: Transexual. See girls, you can trade makeup secrets, pocketbooks and even outfits while getting satisfied by a 100% true blue wee-wee. Is that what you ladies want?

This is one of the final degredations of men, and we're just too stupid to realize it. If space men looked at television and the media for clues to our society, they would most likely see men as weak buffoons who are quite stupid and easily manipulated by the opposite sex. Pop culture has turned Clint Eastwood into Pee Wee Herman and everyone seems to be okay with that.

I need to go and rent a few Dirty Harry movies and maybe some John Wayne to re-identify with my gender.

Tuesday, September 07, 2004

Kids: Who needs em?

Ok, so after a long day at work (long not because it really was, in a time sense, but long as in, "bored to tears") and on a long drive home I'm listening to talk radio. Yeah, it happens in your 30's - like talking about bowel movements and having serious discussions about "nose hair". Don't ask.

Anyway, the subject is - children. How a study was done, who did the study (can't remember but it's something like Mendline or Mendleson or something like that) I don't really remember since I was swerving to avoid certain death on our nations highways. What I do remember was that the study was with a 100+ family's and that the parents (both) IQ's dropped an average of 20 points once they had children. I have not been able to find anything on the net regarding this study, but I will revisit it once I do.

The host (on NJ101.5 by the way) identified also that she has constantly had friends who have children be of the opinion that, if one doesn't breed, they are a waste of life.

Ok - I have problems with this entire subject matter; twofold. One - who the heck funded a study to identify if having children reduces IQ? Aren't IQ tests relatively lame and unconsistent? (Apologies to the MENSA readers... really.) However on the flip side of that objection, I'm not at all suprised babies lower your IQ. I mean, your major thoughts are about poop, puke and pee as well as trying to sleep at least a few hours a night for the first year. Given the distractions, the urge to speak in "baby talk", the baby body fluids and excretions and lack of sleep, I'm not suprised at all about a 20 point drop in IQ. Heck, after a few months of baby-dom, I probably wouldn't be able to speak coherently let alone try to take a test of any kind.

As for having babies to define my entire existance - I think not. No little bugger (otherwise known as "the gleam in daddy's eye") defines me! I think I can do quite well as a disappointment on my own rather than pass the baton to offspring. Why bring another soul into the world? Is it just to pass along the fatherly advice, buy the baseball equipment, take the pictures and brag at the office. Well, sure that's all part of it. But don't tell me that I'm useless without breeding.

Half the time I think human kind is a locust; a virtual disease that was put on this earth to ultimately find out if we'll kill each other to extinction or actually provide help and spiritual guidance to each other and live to help each other. Most times I'm cynical about the entire thing - killings, bombings, wars, diseases, death and destruction, fire and brimstone right here on earth. Then something happens that changes your outlook - a good deed, and kind word, an innocent child. I don't think children define their parents existance, they are supposed to reflect it and honor it even when the parents have passed on. Children don't define their parents, they complement it.

At least I'm still smart enough to think so anyway.

Monday, September 06, 2004

Europe: Still clueless

I'll start this off with some thought fragments and try to tie them up in the end - yeah, right, good luck.

- Old movies (40's and 50's) where the buccaneer's are on the high seas. The pirates are the smart ones, they have a plan, they want the money and steal it from the rich bastards. The French or English captains are pompous and scummy, acting like they own the world because of God and country. They're clueless, not too bright, but not afraid; in the end they gallantly salute while the ship sinks around them.

- The real world (last few years) the European nations like France, Germany and Russia start distancing themselves from the U.S. due to policy disagreements, Bush laying down requirements to their involvement in foreign affairs (specifically the Iraq War II), and the U.S. finding out the French and Russians were in cahoots with Iraq against U.N. mandate since Iraq War I. tsk. tsk.

- Chechen/Ingush "insurgents" kidnap and hold a middle school hostage in Beslan Russia, where ultimately some of these "insurgents" blow themselves up in the school, killing hundreds of people, at least half of which are children.

Ok, so time to count.

- Chechen "insurgents" attacking Russian people = Chechen's involved are MUSLIM
- Al-Quaeda terrorists attacking Western countries with demands that Palestine be freed and all Western peoples become Muslim = Al-Quaeda are MUSLIM
- Attacks on U.S. interests in Yemen by terrorists were Al-Quaeda = MUSLIM
- Attacks on the World Trade Center on 9/11/01 = Al-Quaeda which = MUSLIM
- Hate being taught in Pakistan/Afghanistan borders and also thought to be harboring Bin Laden = MUSLIM extremists
- Taliban members who were initially ousted out of Afghanistan and who are now being funneled money through Pakistan links to Al-Quaeda and are assassinating Afghanistan politicians = Al-Quaeda = MUSLIM
- "Insurgents" in Iraq who are a mix of Iraqi's and "Freedom Fighters" from Saudi Arabia, Syria and as far as Egypt = all MUSLIM
- India/Pakistan fighting since the 1970's (mostly over Kashmir) = Hindu's vs. Muslims
- Arab/Muslim Sudanese follow a genocidal plan against non-Arab/Muslim population causing 1M+ starving displaced people = MUSLIM backed and initiated
- Singapore/Philippines extremist group the JI have ties to Al-Quaeda and were identified in 1995 to have plans to bomb major U.S. and European targets = MUSLIM backed

Now, I'm not saying anyone's lying or anything, but, it seems that the Muslims were bored one day and decided the Irish didn't hate the English enough, nor did the small wars in South America really entertain. So they decided to "kick it up a notch" and throw in behind some pseudo-religious crusade and one day over too much Raki, decided that everyone has to be Muslim. The plan was to get all those poor Muslims who live in dirt, are starving and have nothing to live for involved. Tell them they'll get 73 virgins when they die for the cause, feed them, brain wash them, train them, educate them and arm them and send them out into the world strapped with enough C-5 to kill a few hundred innocent bystanders.

What eludes me, probably because according to the likes of Michael Moore (Socialist extraordinaire), I'm too stupid, ignorant and otherwise incapable of understanding the in Moore's words "revolutionaries" plight. Well, I'm happy to say he's right. I want all these bastards worm food. We hear that Islam is a peaceful religion. It doesn't show, and the peaceful Muslims do nothing to change that. Why? Because they don't want to be killed either.

So to tie all this up (badly) we have a problem folks. Islam is spreading and guess what Europe - you're first on the menu! As you've already found out, there are Mosques popping up all over Germany, Belgium, France, Italy (etc. etc.) You guys obviously can't be too close to the U.S. who wants these killers caught and or shot. The more pompous of you have deluded yourselves into thinking it's all Bush's fault - he's a crazy religious maniac who's no better than Bin Laden himself. Killing them will only make them stronger and attract more to their cause. No war peace!

I'm not sure when Europe became pacifists - I thought only Belgium and maybe the Nordic countries stayed out of things like this. But you guys are gonna be eaten alive just like a tape worm, from the inside. Click here for what I'm talking about. You're government is being taken over by more and more of a population that is become or already IS Muslim. They stay and they vote and you will all be assimilated. In 20 years, your country will no longer be at war with terrorists, you'll be training them. Your government will no longer be speaking out against terrorism; you'll be planning and creating it. Pacifists on the outside, terrorist on the inside; we’ll call you guys the Al-Quaeda Candy Bar. It's real simple folks there has to be a two pronged assault:

1. Take away the poor and plight-less. These people are who the terrorists are using for recruitment. The world has got to get these governments to take aid, learn a trade, and make goods and services that can bring their economy up. As well, we need better education in these places. Don't let these fanatics teach their kids to hate the West and to think dying at 12 years old with an AK-47 will bring them happiness.

2. Kill these terrorist bastards and don't let them get a hold. I think the first one above is easier to do than this one. Intelligence needs to rout these bastards, keep them on the move; don't let them get set up anywhere. That will hinder their recruitment. Cut their money supply - already done in some areas, but more needs to be done. When you find them, kill them and everything around them. Make it difficult for people to harbor them. The KGB of old would have rounded their entire family up and sent them off to Siberia, never to be seen again. Sounds just spiffy to me.

So what have we learned? Islam is not a very non-violent religion. Islam preys upon the week and un-educated to win them to the extremist cause. Muslims will not speak out or take action upon killers in their own religion. Extremists are NOT "insurgents" they are killers - let's call a duck a duck shall we? Genocide is still an option for Muslim extremists, which we see today in Sudan/Chad.

Instead of having demonstrations against the action taken against these killers, how about some demonstrations against the killers themselves? There's a revolutionary thought.

Wednesday, September 01, 2004

Book lovers

I'm a book hound. I love to read, the more I read the better. But lately there's no time and I'm really interested in a few of these below and the bonus is, these are some of the shortest books of all time! So when you go to the next interview or someone asks you the question, "What were the last few books you've read?", you can now proudly quote from the ones below:

The world's 20 shortest books of all time:

"The book of virtues", by Bill Clinton
"My plan to find the Real Killers", by O.J. Simpson
"Human Rights advances in China"
"America's Most Popular Lawyers"
"Career Opportunities for Liberal Arts majors", Academic Society
"Detroit - A Travel Guide"
"Different ways to spell 'Bob'"
"Dr. Kevorkian's Collection of Motivational Speeches"
"Easy UNIX"
"Al Gore: The Wild Years"
"Everything Women know about Men"
"Everything Men know about Women"
"French Hospitality"
"George Foreman's Big Book of Baby Names"
"How to sustain a musical career", Art Garfunkel
"Mike Tyson's guide to dating etiquette," by Mike Tyson
"One hundred and one Spotted Owl recipes," by the EPA
"Things I wouldn't do for money," Dennis Rodman
"The Amish Phone Directory"
"The Engineer's guide to fashion"

(Thanks to the Matt Wosniak from JimPoz.com)